Falling in Love

I have officially fallen in love with Little Mister. Specifically, it happened yesterday afternoon. For those of you without children, this statement probably raises some eyebrows. After all, it has been nearly 8 weeks since the little guy was born. Didn't I love him already? And the answer is, without a doubt, yes. I loved him before he was born. I knew his demeanor before he arrived - I had even correctly guessed at his preferred fetal position. And once he was here, I would have stopped a speeding train on his behalf if possible. But...

...there is a real biological reason that the body excretes a so-called "love hormone" upon the emergence of a child who has been born via unmedicated vaginal birth (and I'm going to refer to this experience not because I judge those who went any other route to bring about your child, but because that is the road I myself have traveled twice). For the first several hazy crazy weeks of an infant's life, he's a fragile, floppy, sleeping pooping being who wants and needs to be constantly attached to my breasts. My breasts which are sore and huge and leaky and even bleeding. The newborn's most secure place is with his exhausted mother - he just spent three seasons inside her, after all - and his mother will forego hours upon hours of sleep to ensure his security and wellbeing. When the mother wants to go places, it's with the knowledge that there is a ticking feeding timer alongside, and for me, this time, there's also a lovely but moody two-year-old in tow. As my last post indicated, it's safe to say that time has passed without my realizing it or knowing where it went. All I know is that this hamster wheel of a summer that I've been at times riding, at other times driving, has started to slow its pace a bit, and Little Mister and I have finally had the chance to start to know one another as people rather than as the hungry one and the food source.

I know nothing scientific about the ebb and flow of a postpartum woman's hormones, but I'd be willing to bet that something changes between 6 and 8 weeks out from the birth of her child. At least for me, and anecdotally for others I know, now is the time that the magic starts to happen and my baby becomes a person to me. He smiles at me. He stays awake for longer periods. He naps! He maintains a semi-respectable schedule of meals, within reason. Not only does Little Mister make sounds, but I know what they all mean, and they are all adorable! He even makes sounds in order to "converse" with the family. And he's not so floppy anymore. He's becoming his own little sturdy self, still incredibly snuggly and soft, and vulnerable, but he's a solid little guy too. He responds to my touch not just in an instinctual way, but in the way a person who likes me - a lot! - responds...

And I love him. Last evening, as I watched him roll around on the floor and respond to the Bean and my smiles and voices, I knew that the moment had arrived. My heart has leapt out of my body and I love him. Dearest Little Mister, thank you for being here, and thank you for letting me know you and help you as you grow into the one and only you.