A Day with my Bean

My sweet Bean is about to turn four. She's busy - she has her own life full of school friends and dancing, gymnastics and Grammy days. Her joy is my joy, as I watch her grow into a beautiful young person who drinks in life by the gallonfull.

As Bean's become a busier person, and she has to share her parents with Little Mister, she and I have begun a tradition of going on girls' dates - out for ice cream, to the playground, shopping. This tradition of "special times" is something I learned from my mom who did the same with me and my sister. Heck, we still do!

So when the day rolled around for Bean to have to travel to Hershey - HERSHEY!!!!! - for an allergist appointment, how could we NOT sweeten the experience with some special times together.

With a mid-day appointment looming - we were both a bit nervous about it - we hit up Chocolate World to distract ourselves.

We rode the ride once...

and then we rode it again, being sure to capture ourselves inside the roasting tunnel, and this time yelling at the animatronic singing cows, scaring them back because they scared us...

...and then we had lunch, totally unworth a photo...

...and then the Bean faced her fears and posed for this shot with Mr. Peanut Butter Cup.

Unable to avoid the clock, we grabbed some milkshakes for the road, and headed to the medical center, sufficiently sugared up, and oh so cool. 

And the med center? Well, it was not so bad. I cannot say enough good things about the pediatric care folks there. They made us both feel at ease, explained everything incredibly clearly, and treated Bean like a human being. Best news of all? Bean has NO ALLERGIES. (and the test didn't even hurt.) Bean was pretty curious about the numbers on her back and what her gown looked like, so we had to snap these photos, for the record. We were also not allowed to wash her back that night :)

On Weaning

My Little Mister and I shared our last nursing session last Sunday night. It was time for us. As the wee one gained enthusiasm for "real" food and solids replaced liquids, nursing had become not much more than a ritual - one that often left Little Mister wanting more to drink anyhow. Still, the process of weaning was hard for me this time. Perhaps this is because I have no thoughts of having another child right now, and maybe ever. Some is also because - and this may sound strange - I sacrificed so much of my own life as I knew it to nurse him well (I gave up all foods with any amount of soy, milk, or nut ingredients). My own nutritional habits became about choosing foods that fed our bodies rather than merely please them, about eating to sustain life. And this became a part of my own ritual in nourishing my baby. I know I definitely had a hard time because this Little One was such an enjoyable nurser. He was gentle. He snuggled. We'd exchange giggles as he played with my mouth and nose while he drank. He quietly demanded attention, biting me if I lost focus on our time together. Nursing Little Mister was intimate. I guess I was afraid to let that go.

Needless to say, this week was a wee bit emotional for me, especially in the nighttime. I even dreamed one night that Little Mister was a gigantic baby, dwarfing everyone in the room we were in (he is pretty large for his age, and growing so fast!). But I need not have worried that my connection with the babe would be broken. On Monday night, as he drank his "milk" from his sippy cup and I rocked him in his room, he stopped periodically to giggle at me. He'd catch my eye and his own would sparkle, the corners of his drooly mouth turning upward. When he had finished drinking, he did exactly as he's done every single night before that and he nuzzled right into my chest, tucking in his arms, and closing his eyes.

I know, of course, that Little Mister and I will forever be connected. But as he grows, that connection will become less physical- moving steadily away from the umbilical cord and breast- and more emotional. And it will take work. But for us, I know that the foundation has been laid. We've already put in 10 intense months of work at getting to know one another's rhythms, likes and dislikes, physical and emotional needs. It is a foundation that I am eager and committed to building on, even as my gigantic baby becomes his own physical being who can crawl, and eventually walk away. These nighttimes are a reminder that we can and will come back to the earthy, innate connection that is the gift of being mother and child.