Anyone who knows Central Pennsylvania knows that just about the time you're ready for winter to be over, it starts to snow. It's been that kind of Spring, both in the natural world and in the personal one. For the last two months, I'm pretty sure B and I have come to understand a little bit better how that poor caterpillar feels all stuck up in his cocoon. At the same time plants and buds and caterpillars have been wrestling to burst forth and escape the clutches of Winter, we've been struggling to acknowledge, accept, and in some cases embrace, a great deal of change in our lives.
March 1, after a sudden onset of illness (though it had been a long time coming), B's Nana died. We were blessed to be with her as she faced death, blessed that she didn't suffer for a long time, blessed to gather together with family...but the void left by Nan's absence is SO great. Just writing about it now causes nearly every emotion in the pot to bubble up inside me...joy, sadness, comfort, pain, laughter, smiles, tears and memories.
The other big change of the season is that after a lifetime of living in Pennsylvania, and 15 years in their current household, B's parents are relocating....to Georgia! A great opportunity for his dad that couldn't be left on the table. They're excited, we're excited for them, and yet it's going to be SO different not to be able to drive an hour and a half down the road on a moment's notice to visit with them. The last several weeks have been filled with moving furniture from Nana's and his parents, cleaning basements, sorting through memories, and making new ones.
Things are starting to become clearer now...and more realistic, as B's dad is now working in GA and their PA house is on the market...his mom will shortly follow. There is such excitement at the promise of new adventures...but we will miss them and their proximity. Hooray for free nationwide long distance cell phone plans, blogs like this one, email, and frequent flyer miles (as long as the damn airlines don't all disappear!).
A side note is that during all of this time we've been computerless, which I think might have been by some grand design of One who knows us better than we know ourselves--and knows what's good for us! It's been refreshing to go home and be completely engaged in the personal rather than the virtual. Even now that our computer is back and functional, I hope to use it less than before.
I started this post with the word liminality. I've come to realize that it is an extremely important state of being - though not one that I'd wish on anyone forever! When life becomes turbulent and I lose my sense of grasp on things (are we ever REALLY in control??) I find myself feeling like an outsider looking in at the "normal" that is everyone else's lives; I feel like that cocooned caterpillar - all squished up and DYING to be able to burst forth and fly.
Our cocoon started to burst the first weekend of April, when we traveled to San Diego to celebrate the marriage of a life-long friend to his absolutely awesome fiancee. Weddings always elicit emotion, and when it's a marriage that is truly meant to be and brings friends and family together from past, present, near, and far, they are even more special. It as a wonderful weekend...we were so happy for our friends, and were able to reunite with some whom we've lost touch with in the past few years. Another of our childhood friends is expecting his first child this summer! With all of the joy and fun of that weekend...and the refreshing abrupt change in geography, our butterfly wings started to emerge.
Last Saturday, we left the liminality behind. It was truly amazing how I physically felt our departure from it. Suddenly, Spring won out over winter...Friday it rained, and Saturday the buds were bursting forth and the daylillies were reaching out of the ground with their first leaves, and the grass was GREEN! That day, we went into our yard, and broke ground for our first garden. This garden is a huge step for us. It's a mode of self provision, a living symbol of our work, a connection with our past - both our human heritage and our family traditions - and it will be something that we learn from. Perhaps most importantly, it is something that will connect us directly to the miracles and cycles of germination, growth, bounty, harvest, and yes, winter.
WELCOME SPRING!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
